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Date: 08/02/2012
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What-h���ee�h-vah

The Japanese are funny, no doubt about it. From The Times:

When I meet my friend Chihiro at the Imperial Hotel tea rooms, she is discreetly perfecting her heeeeeeh, or rather her héééeeèh.

With her university degree, she has to work hard to sound like an imbecile and talent agencies, she explains, are desperate for sharpies to look stupid on screen. Correct pronunciation is vital.

Héééeeèh, a sound that has infected Japan via TV, denotes amazed receipt of information. It is an equally plausible response to “this lipstick also comes in blue”, “Japan has run out of money” and “Elvis lives”. A well-toned héééeeèh masks disengagement with dumb awe.

Economists dwell on demographics and debt-to-GDP ratios, but héééeeèh tells you all that you need to know about where this mighty country is heading. If Japan fails, it will be because its men say héééeeèh rather than venturing a real thought and its women say héééeeèh rather than running companies and institutions.

Beneath héééeeèh’s rising-rising-rising-falling tone lies modest interest, an obligation to please, grudging deference, defeatism, flattery and fear of voicing an opinion — all disguised as astonishment. Listen carefully and you can also hear gender inequality. When women héééeeèh there is ingrained subservience. A few hours after our tea, Chihiro will make her debut on a prime time variety show, joining a panel of lovelies who appear behind the presenters laughing riotously at their jokes and sobbing at anything slightly poignant. It is sign-language subtitles for the emotionally deaf, with héééeeèh as punctuation.

As Japan is a patriarchal society, it may be assumed that héééeeèh embraces shéééeeèh.

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